A Favorite Biblical Passage

While I was sitting in my History of Christianity class today, the professor posed an aside question: "if you found yourself in the South (my professor is a Southerner) and were asked what your favorite bible passage was, how would you respond?"

No passage immediately sprang to mind, which I found curious. Certainly, as someone in religious life, one would of course have a favorite biblical passage! Now, I haven't spent the last few hours trying to figure out my favorite biblical passage. On the contrary, after my initial surprise of the lack of an immediate passage, I gave it no subsequent thought. The passage came to mind, surprisingly, while preparing for my Kierkegaard class tomorrow--well, maybe not so surprisingly since his philosophical writings are overtly religious. But, I didn't go out of my way to find this passage that came to mind. A grace, one might say.

Anyway, I am probably writing this blog post because I haven't finished my homework yet and am looking for an excuse not to finish it. But, once I had thought about it, I believed it worthy of the time spent.

From Philippians 2:5-11

Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also ours in Christ Jesus,
Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God
something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to death,
even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him
and bestowed on him the name
that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
of those in heaven and on earth and under
the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

In theology circles, this passage describes kenosis, that act in which Christ emptied himself by coming into likeness with human beings--God, because of his love, chose to become like us so that we would know Him more fully and be redeemed through his self-emptying. God sleeping in a manger, God riding a donkey, God humiliated and put to death. In so doing, entering into his greatest glory.

This passage was an important passage for me during my 8-day retreat prior to taking vows. I read this in the context of the vow of obedience, contemplating that obedience which Christ had even up til death, an obedience rooted in a love for the world. Why else would Christ do this? At that time, I understood my vows as a call from God as a way of loving the world. Our vows are not ends in themselves, but means by which our way of life strives to manifest Christ's love. They are not meant, ultimately, to be places of burden, but ultimately places of life not only for the Jesuit but especially for the people which we serve.

I have also loved the paradox of how Christ came into our world, described beautifully in this passage. "But, That is not how God is supposed to act!" Yet, God did something so magnificent in the most improbable, most incomprehensible way. Why else would God do it in this way if not for his great love?

When we strive to imitate Christ, we do well to recognize the great humility in which He came into our world. Christ came to serve, not to be served. Through his revealed self, he gave us the means to understand more fully what it means to be human, to become more fully who we are meant to be.

And, for that, our response in praise and glory would only be the natural response.

Joy and Consolation

While I was praying before Mass today, I found myself suddenly overcome with a deep sense of peace and joy. There was no particular cause to the incident. I had spent most of the day with a headache trying to sort through the myriad of Spinoza's philosophical proofs and propositions, and I came home from class frustrated by the onerous philosophical study. This joy I therefore experienced came as quite the surprise to me. Ignatius has a term for this spiritual movement: "consolation without preceding cause" (from the Discernment of Spirits for Week II of the Spiritual Exercises). Jesuits believe this to be the work of God within us. It is a grace. It is gift.

I cherish these moments in my Jesuit vocation. As I began to experience this joy, I could not help but respond with a sense of awe and thanksgiving. God was doing something within me that I had not necessarily asked for. In these moments, I find myself in a place of surrender. It is the call to let God in, to get out of the way, and to trust in the work that is taking place.

This is one of the ways in which I understand our 'Suscipe' Prayer: "Take Lord, Receive, all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will." In offering these faculties over to God, it removes the focus on self and redirects it towards God's action. Paradoxically, in the surrendering of self, we, in a sense, become more liberated, more free. By allowing God to take root and to take hold, to inspire and to animate, we become more fully who we are meant to be.
We become more human.

I feel blessed to be living religious life. Because of my vows and the life I have chosen to live as a Jesuit, my life must necessarily have God as my center if I am to live this life with passion, integrity, and joy. And, I am called everyday to live into this relationship that I have freely chosen to enter. God knows that I often fail at this. But, I try my best. And sometimes, I become surprised by joy.

The Vow Crucifix

Before novices--at least in my province--take First Vows, a multitude of Jesuits gather together the night before Vows for the Vow Crucifix ceremony. The novices take a few days of silence before Vows to ground themselves in prayer and to prepare themselves for the celebration ahead. They also use this time to pray over a number of vow crucifixes that have been gathered over the years and to choose one that speaks to them. Almost all of the crucifixes that the novices consider are ones that used to be owned by Jesuits who have since entered into a new life. These now-deceased Jesuits probably spent much time in prayer and petition with their crucifixes, and we younger Jesuits are gifted with a crucifix imbued with their many years of prayer.

Since coming back to the Bronx, I have been finding my prayer highly enriched by the use of my Vow Crucifix. It was something I hung on my wall last year but never really used for my prayer. Part of my inspiration comes from the Vow Crucifix ceremony that I attended this past August. During the Vow Ceremony, the novice director reveals to the community the Jesuits who used to own these Vow Crucifixes which the novices now choose. The community, upon hearing the name of each Jesuit, is invited to share stories of each one, to remember the lives of these men who have lived before us. I was struck by the remarkable nature of their lives, of their love and devotion to God and to the people whom they served. These are men I would have wanted to meet but only know through stories.

Fragments of these stories have stuck with me. The Jesuit who, deep in prayer, was asked what he was praying about and replied: "I'm praying for all of those people with whom I will ride the Greyhound bus today." I have thought about that sometimes when I ride the bus or the subway. The Jesuit who, while watching Bill O'Reilley (not because he liked him), remarked seemingly out of nowhere in crude, Oregonian fashion: "If this Jesus is real, he's f****** incredible!" The Jesuit who, after listening intently to the spiritual problems of a Scholastic, mentions: "I think you need a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

I realized during the Ceremony that I had completely forgotten the name of the Jesuit whose crucifix I had inherited. The only thing I remembered was that I certainly wasn't choosing the crucifix simply by the name of the Jesuit. As I thumbed through our book which has the names and dates of all those Jesuits in our province who had passed away, I finally stumbled upon his name: Ralph Sudmeier. Ralph Sudmeier...

I never knew him, but his crucifix is now a huge blessing in my life. I have held it close to my heart, asking for Christ to instill in me his wisdom and his love, to form me into the person He desires me to be. I have reached for it when I have been worn and weary, asking for strength and perseverance. I have gazed upon it with awe and thanksgiving, thankful for all that I have been given.

Perhaps Ralph did the same.

To my brother Jesuits: may your Vow Crucifix be a way in which you draw closer to Christ, growing ever deeper in imitation of his life. And may you be inspired by the prayers of our men who have held these same crosses before you AMDG

A Jesuit's Room

As Jesuits, we often find ourselves on the move, traveling from one place to the next. A few years here, a few years there. One of the effects of our lifestyle is that we often move into new rooms. One day you're in, and the next day you're out.

Because we are always dealing with transitions, I have found that one of the ways to make myself feel more at home is making my room more my own. I am far from being, however, an interior decorator. Fortunately, we often live in community, and we usually live with brothers who have an eye for such things. It is only this year, however, that I actually started asking guys to help me with my room.

Of course, as vowed religious, there is only so much we can do to make our rooms look nice. At the same time, however, that doesn't mean that our rooms have to look cheap either. You make do with what you have, and you make it work. I have often been surprised to see what people can do with limited resources.

So, with the help of a few brothers, I have been trying to create a space that feels homey, that feels right for me. I wanted a nice and clean look to the room while still looking simple. I must say that the room is turning out to be my most favorite room so far that I have had as a Jesuit. I like the blend of colors and I like the woody feel. On loan to me is the classic IHS symbol painted on a beautiful board by one of our elder Jesuits in the community (I love that piece, but I have to give it up next year). My sheets had holes in them and my comforter looked like 10 Jesuits before me had used it and never washed it, so I bought a nice new bed set on sale. Then, after moving things around and around, I have finally found a set-up that I am extremely happy with.

There really is something about Feng Shui.

I still want to do a few more things with the room, like add a new plant, and maybe make some minor changes, but I think the major work has now been done. It is a place I can find myself easily working, resting, and praying.

I started taking these photos after making the room noticeably better, but you get a sense of the progression. Primarily, at the end, I moved the bed under the IHS board and moved my bookshelf towards the windows. Initially, I had the bookshelf right behind me, causing a separation between my work space and the rest of my room. I liked it fine, but I think I like this better.

(bookshelf is right under wooden board)


(bookshelf is moved, lamp is moved, everything else shifted to the right a few feet)

A New Year at Ciszek

Our community this year welcomed 10 new Jesuits into the fold. We are 28 altogether under 1 roof spanning 13 different provinces (my province, for example, consists of Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, and Alaska). 4 comes from outside the United States - 2 from Jamaica, 1 from Indonesia, and 1 from Mozambique. We all have different backgrounds, stories, ideologies, interests, etc. But, what unites us is our faith, our vocation, and our desire to serve and to love in Christ's imitation. We are human beings marked by our failings and weaknesses, but we all believe we have been touched by the grace of God in our lives -- God who calls us into the world as we are, remaking our shortcomings into places of strength and hope.

Except for our two eldest brothers (who are most excellent formators, by the way), all of us have been asked to dedicate a majority of our time here towards our studies in philosophy -- called, in Formation, First Studies. One of our documents on formation describes philosophy as: "one of the principal means by which the Society forms men, who have reflected on the essential questions which challenge man, who have formed the habit of critical and positive reflection on these question and upon the answers given to them formerly or given today, and who have some understanding of the history of ideas and can relate these things to present cultures." As Jesuits, we have the phrase "Finding God in All Things," and at this time of our formation, we are challenged to seek God in our studies. Hopefully, through these studies and through critically engaging the type of questions that philosophy asks, we become better Jesuits formed to see the world in a different way than when we first began First Studies.

I am taking three courses this Fall - Kierkegaard, History of Christianity I, and Classical Modern (studying philosophers somewhat around the time of Descartes and Hume). Practically 2/3 of our community is in that History class, which should make an interesting dynamic in the classroom. I'm actually looking forward to this semester and think it will be good times all around (crosses fingers). As last school year, I sometimes bring what I have been studying into my blog, so don't be surprised if I use my blog to process what I have been learning.

As a side note, I've decided to be a little more judicious with my writing for the time being. That means I would like to write with some sense of regularity, but probably not the 4-5 times a week like I had been doing at one point in time. I'm aiming for once a week, maybe twice. However, I have been known to do "theme weeks," and if I'm feeling it, I'll throw those in every so often. I have had one request by one of my fellow Jesuit brothers which might show up soon.

By the way, if you couldn't tell, I'm the brown one in the middle =p There's also one who had the audacity to be in the picture even though he would be away at England for the year! We talked about the possibility of photoshopping, so you may see a revised picture in the future (see 2nd row, far right in bright yellow). Shame. /end tongue-in-cheek

A little update

I have thought about my blog quite a bit over this past month. It might seem otherwise, since I have not posted in almost a month. Honestly, I pretty much lost my desire to write. There were a number of times where I would bring up the blog, sit in front of the posting window, write a sentence or two, and then think to myself: "nope, not feeling it." I think this time is different.

To say the least, the past few weeks have been quite eventful for me. Three men in my province took their First Vows this year, and I had the privilege (and the stress) of organizing the music this year. You can see some of the pictures on the province website here--one includes the choir and myself. It's in my nature to be a constant worrier of things, and I definitely did a lot of worrying about the music. Part of it is because I wanted to help make the experience for the men a special one. So, being the perfectionist, I naturally worried about every detail. I wouldn't necessarily recommend my craziness to everyone. As someone who often imagines the worst, it usually is my experience that the "worst" never comes into realization. Of course, it turned out to be an absolutely beautiful ceremony, and it was a touching experience to witness my brothers publicly profess their love and faith before their family--their blood family but also their Jesuit family--and before God. I think what particularly touched me this year was the moment when the provincial professed his fraternal love and support for the men--his own vow to them.

I returned to the Bronx about two weeks ago to meet the new men here at Ciszek. Based on my initial impressions, I am very excited about our community this year. When I played for our first mass in the house, I was honestly a little giddy because of the new voices I was hearing this year. Truly, any choir director would die to have us =) These are also very good men with good hearts, and so I am very much looking forward to this new year here at Ciszek. A picture of the new community is soon to come (I can't access my g-mail currently, which has the pic...grrrr)

Well, there are other things I would like to write about, but I think I will save them for future posts, or I will be late to mass. During this new school year, your prayers for our community are very much welcomed and appreciated!

Reflecting on Spokane

Greetings from the Oregon Coast! I am currently on vacation, having spent my last week in Seattle. Currently, I will spend some time at Nestucca before heading to Portland for First Vows.

I thought I would write a short post, processing my time that I spent in Spokane.

People have asked me quite frequently lately how it was working in the infirmary and at Bea House. Typically, I have told them: "well...it wasn't the most exciting and glamorous work that I have experienced in my life, but I am glad that I did it." I feel that I was certainly blessed to be able to spend my summer with the older men in our province. For us younger guys in formation, we have pretty little contact with the men there. Yet, there is a lifetime of experience and wisdom that these men have had in their Jesuit life, and we can learn quite a bit by being in their presence.

I very much enjoyed the walks that I was able to have with one particular Jesuit. Whenever I would make a comment about nature around us, he would often exclaim: "Wow, it's so beautiful!" or "Isn't that marvelous?" or "How magnificent!" He saw great beauty in the world around him, and he wasn't afraid to exclaim his amazement. He is someone I very much admired, and I hope I can see the world like him as I grow older.

I very much enjoyed taking a number of Jesuits on their appointments. Car rides and time in the waiting room were often fertile ground for good discussion, from recent movies we have watched to living life as a Jesuit. Of course, they had many stories to share, and I very much loved to hear about their life. They have lived full lives as Jesuits and experienced all the bumps and bruises involved with that journey. Yet, I believe that they all experienced God's love and grace throughout that time, so I was grateful to learn through the example of their lives.

I also enjoyed witnessing the way that these Jesuits interact with one another as well. Some of them have known each other from 50+ years. Like any family, being around your brothers for a length of time can be quite grating. Yet, I had a deep sense that they cared for one another deep down. As men, sometimes they are not the most open about their feelings. But, I could sense the affection they have for each other. It is their faith that brings all of them together.

Our lay companions who help to take care of our brethren are wonderful people who truly and deeply care about our men. They are probably not the most paid health-care staff, and they could probably find better income somewhere else. But, they really do love our men, and I think we are extremely fortunate to have a health staff who greatly improves the quality of life for them. I think they do acknowledge the unique opportunity to take care of these Jesuits, for it is quite a rare experience to be able to serve them--it is quite unlike anywhere else. They were also extremely warm to me, and I appreciated their welcome.

And, I feel like this experience put my own vocation into perspective. I will not stay young forever, but that does not mean that I have to grow old quickly either. My life is a gift, and I am called to cherish the moments I have as they come, for they will not always be around. I am given so much, and I am impelled to live a life of gratitude, for what we take for granted may some day be taken away from us. Live in the present moment, for in the present is God most present to us.

Although my time in Spokane was not initially what I had planned for my summer, I am most grateful that I had the opportunity. I give thanks for my brothers and lay companions in Spokane and offer them a warm prayer for all they have given me.