An assortment of things

First off, I would like to extend to all of you a very belated Easter. It is a beautiful time of the year in which we are called into new life and to rejoice in the resurrection of our Lord.

I personally have found myself quite busy since the beginning of Holy Week, singing in the Fordham Choir and helping out with the festivities here at Ciszek. I feel in some ways that I have been going non-stop ever since with plenty of things such as paper writing, cooking, preparing for our recent Minor Ministries Mass, etc. Papers are also looming ahead, so as you can imagine, it is that crazy time of the year for us students.

My postings, as a result, will probably be a little more infrequent in these upcoming two months (but who knows, maybe I will write more frequently =p). However, it looks like my summer will be spent in LA, where I would like to spend time with Dolores Mission and Homeboy Industries. I am sure I will have plenty to write about during my time there.

I find my disposition in prayer these days simply to stop what I am doing, take a few moments to breathe, to place myself in the presence of God, and to pray in gratitude for my blessings.

I would also like to write a little bit about my April 1st post, since I have received mixed responses from it. Clearly, my April 1st posts these past two years have been resounding successes...maybe third time's a charm?

Primarily, I would like to apologize for any harm that may have been caused to those who took it quite seriously (and subsequently, I have taken it down as a result). It certainly was not my intention for the post to be a serious rant against my fellow brethren, and I realize that the post could be quite damaging. I was writing in a quite hyperbolic way and blowing small issues that a community may talk about completely out of proportion. It certainly could have been read that I had a major axe to grind.

Like any place, a little conflict is inevitable in religious community, but I believe it is also important to have a sense of humor about these things. Personally, I count my blessings if the biggest conflict in my life is wondering why someone hasn't restocked the bathroom with toilet paper. Clearly, many people around the world deal with much more serious problems in their lives on a daily basis. Again, though, I apologize for any misunderstanding and harm that may have been caused.

In the end, we are called to be like Christ to one another as best we can in our communities and in our homes. I believe the home to be the primary place where love must be cultivated and practiced if it is to be shared with the wider community. Indeed, as Jesuits, we have been in recent conversation about community as mission, but in the wider context, we can also speak about the home as mission.

Again, I wish you all a blessed Easter season! I leave you with a link to Holy Week at Seattle University which brought me many good memories.

It's Been Fun

A lot has happened over the past 2 and a half years. I've learned so much about myself and about my faith. But, I'm at a point now where I feel I need to move on with my life. So, after some deep reflection, I've decided that I will be leaving the Society of Jesus.

Let me make this clear that this is no fault of the Society. I still have a deep respect and love for their work, their ministry, and their lives. The Society and I have had a steady relationship, but as with couples, you necessarily come to a point where you seriously consider where this relationship is taking you. Is this life right for me? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with the Society? Am I really in love with the Society?

The answer, for me, is no. And, really, this is a difficult realization for me to come to. Of course, I have to ask myself: what have I been doing over these past 2 years? Have I just been wasting my time? What now?

Actually, I am very grateful for all that the Jesuits have given to me. I move on from here a better person than when I entered. And, I think we will still be friends. It's not like we are leaving with bad blood between us, but I think this move is best for both parties concerned.

I'm actually getting a little teary-eyed as I write this and think about all of the memories that I have. The fraternal community life, the heart-to-heart faith sharings, the opportunities to do and to experience things that I never would have otherwise, our daily routine of prayer and reflection (especially the 30 day silent retreat), my own personal development in mental, physical, and spiritual health, and the ever growing and deepening relationship I have fostered with God and Christ that will sustain me for the rest of my life--all of this and so much more that I am so incredibly thankful for.

I am so richly blessed, but the time to move on is now. I look forward to the rest of my life with great hope and anticipation, having faith that the Society will continue to grow and develop in my absence.

So, I'm sure you are asking: what now? Well, I have decided to stay here in New York and finish my degree in philosophy. As you can tell with my past posts, this year of studies has had quite an impact in the way I think and see the world. It has encouraged me to develop my critical thinking skills, to ask questions that I never would have asked otherwise. Thus, it would only be most prudent and beneficial for me to finish up what I started here at Fordham, so I will still be around. After that, I hope to place myself on the job market, specifically looking for a job in education. I feel particularly drawn to high school work and would love to teach at a Jesuit school, knowing that I learn just as much from the students themselves as they learn from me. I may also like to develop my musical skills, perhaps looking to get a degree in music and working in the choral sphere. Or, I might find a job as a writer, whatever that may look like. In truth, I don't know what the future holds for me. But, if my Jesuit life has taught me anything, that is to trust in God's work in all of it. The Lord, indeed, is my shepherd.

On the upside, I will continue to blog, so you will be able to follow along on my post-Jesuit journey. Of course, it will be kind of strange for the site to continue having the sj in the site address, so my blog will have to move in the future. I have put the future address under the labels for this post (I highly encourage you to read the label).

Sigh...well, in the words of Jim Carrey: "I hate good-byes." I give a special thanks to my brother Jesuits who have walked with me, listened to me, prayed with me, even embracing me when I needed comfort, throughout my time as a Jesuit. Indeed, I will never forget you and all you have done for me. I know we will keep in touch.

So, to my brother Jesuits: God bless you and your lives. Stay close to Christ, and He will be there to lead you and guide you as He has done over the past 500 years. I leave you with a tender prayer:

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.